


Jealous

by wednesdays__child



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 09:46:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11643963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wednesdays__child/pseuds/wednesdays__child
Summary: Being separated by circumstances, Aaron and Spencer think about what they are missing.





	1. Jealous of the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Forever Angst July Picture Perfect Challenge.
> 
> Spoilers through Season 12.
> 
> Unbetaed - sorry. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Title and quotes are from the song "Jealous" by Labrith.  
> https://youtu.be/50VWOBi0VFs

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/83289127@N08/35399737464/in/dateposted-public/)

_I'm jealous of the rain that falls upon your skin. It's closer than my hands have been. I'm jealous of rain._ _I'm jealous of the wind that ripples through your clothes. It's closer than your shadow. Oh, I'm jealous of the wind._

Spencer sighed as he walked out of the gallery unaccompanied. He'd wanted to see the installation. It had promised him breathtaking photographs and edgy social commentary. What he'd gotten instead was a bunch of pictures of naked people in what someone assumed was controversial poses and smears of blood and shit.

Despite his critique, there was one piece that caught his eye - a beautifully sculpted man lying back, his head completely obscured behind him, his arms and legs flexed and pronounced. It reminded him of someone. Someone he hadn't seen in much too long. Someone who had strong muscles and dark hair all over, who was unashamed of his body once they began their relationship, parading around naked in front of Spencer wearing only a smile.

But he was gone. Spencer had let him go. He wondered from time to time if he should have fought harder - hell, fought at all.

When Hotch came to him to tell him about the plan to take Jack and go into WitSec, Spencer had immediately agreed it was the best idea for all involved despite the fact that he thought it was the dumbest fucking thing ever. They knew Scratch was after Jack and Hotch but Lewis had already found one person hiding with the Marshal's service and the man was still at large. As a brilliant criminal mind, Lewis could find them like he had the doctor, away from the team, and then what would they do?

But Spencer had smiled and nodded his head and agreed it was probably for the best.

Aaron had nodded back with a sad smile on his face.

And then they were done.

Now Spencer was stuck attending things like this by himself. He hated not having that strong chest to his back and that dry wit whispered in his ear as they looked at pretentious shit displayed as art or discussing the merits of artistic exploration as therapy.

He wondered if Hotch was going to shows without him - wherever he was.

Rain began to fall and Spencer wondered if it was raining where Hotch was. He was jealous of that rain because it got to touch the skin, the hair, the body he loved so. He was jealous of the wind that got to reach under his clothes like Spencer had done so many times, wanting to explore what few would guess was such a responsive, sexual body. The memories of it filled his nights as he tried to sleep but sleep wouldn't come.

He walked home in that rain, wondering at all that could have been.


	2. Jealous of the Night

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/83289127@N08/35430029953/in/dateposted-public/)

_I'm jealous of the night that I don't spend with you. I'm wondering who you lay next to. Oh, I'm jealous of the night. I'm jealous of the love. Love that was in here. Gone for someone else to share. Oh, I'm jealous of the love._

Aaron sighed as he left the museum. He'd wanted to go to see the offering there, unsure of what to expect. It had been his first time out by himself and it was harder than he'd anticipated. When he had spotted the posters in the coffeeshop, Jack had encouraged him to go. Aaron hadn't gone out much since they had been away and now that he had, he found he wished he hadn't. 

The stark landscapes and abandoned items represented made him feel just as hollow inside. One picture stood out, reminding him of all he'd lost. It was a vintage car out on a scorched, barren landscape. 

**_Vegas_** it was titled.

He'd closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. 

He wanted what he'd had once - a smile or a curious tilt of the head before a long, detailed recitation of some sort, one that he could listen to and not need to interrupt. He looked around at the couples milling around, alcohol in their hands and smiles on their lips. 

He had no smile. Not anymore. He'd left it back in Virginia in the hands of a young genius. 

He walked out into the night and let it surround him. It was warm, but it usually was in LA. Jack loved it here and Aaron tried his best not to let his broken heart show but he knew, more often than not, he failed. He was jealous of the night, knowing that somewhere Spencer was in that darkness on the other side of the country, probably loving someone who wasn't him, a love for someone else to share. The younger man had let him go with just a word and smile. Spencer hadn't fought for him, for them.

He wondered if this was how Beth felt when she left.

He had gone to Spencer in the hopes that the genius would talk him out of it, give him a reason to stay. He was sure that he would pull out every bit of logic and strategy that Aaron hadn't come up with himself. He just knew Spencer would beg for Aaron to stay. To stay with him.

But he hadn't. 

And when Aaron said he was sorry, Spencer just smiled and said there was nothing to forgive.

But there was. There was so much. But how could he say that he was sorry he was selfish that he couldn't beg Spencer to let him stay or to have the younger man come with them.

He was sorry. So very sorry.

He was jealous of the love.


	3. Jealous of the Way

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/83289127@N08/35428434393/in/dateposted-public/)

_As I sink in the sand, watch you slip through my hands. Oh, as I die here another day 'cause all I do is cry behind this smile._

Aaron walked along the beach - his favorite place after his early morning runs. Yoga in the sand was helping his balance - physical and mental - and there was something about feeling the sand between his fingers and toes that made him feel like everything was going to be okay someday. The sun was just starting to rise and he watched it as it peeked over the horizon. 

As the ray's grew brighter, he smiled, stretching his arms overhead as he pulled his spine up straight before bending himself in half, elongating his legs in a downward dog position. Arching up, he dropped his chest down into a plank before pressing back up again. Over and over he stretched and moved, his body rolling and in constant motion, going through the poses that kept him sane. A glint off the sand caught his eye and he paused, wondering what it was. After he was done with his routine, he stood and walked toward the object half buried in the sand. Reaching down, Aaron discovered a mirror, broken and battered, hiding there.

LIfting it up, Aaron looked at himself, his eye the only thing the broken mirror would show him. He stared and stared and stared some more. He began to wonder if the mirror was actually broken or if it was just him. 

He began to head back, knowing that he needed to get home to Jack, to get the boy ready for school, when his phone suddenly rang.

"Dave," he said instead of his normal greeting, his voice low and tight.

He listened as his oldest friend updated him on the situation. It wasn't ideal but it was better than what it had been. 

"So he's out of prison? The attorney got my notes?"

He nodded, even though he knew his friend couldn't see it.

"And Derek did as I asked? I don't want Spencer to know that information came from me."

He listened, happy to know that his instructions were being carried out as he'd asked. Despite not being Unit Chief anymore, he was still respected.

"Is he happy?"

That was all he wanted - all he needed to know, that Spencer was happy.

He smiled at the news that would get him through another day. After he hung up, his packed up all of his things, making sure to tuck the mirror away with his mat and shoes. Broken things needed to look out for each other, after all.


	4. Jealous of the Love

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/83289127@N08/36192751786/in/dateposted-public/)

_I wished you the best of all this world could give. And I told you when you left me there's nothing to forgive but I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery. It's hard for me to say I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me._

Home. He was going home. After this year, he could think of nothing better than finally being in his own home. So much had happened and he knew it was far from over, but he was close. So close to normal he could taste it. 

Spencer sighed as he walked down the street toward his building, enjoying the night air. It had been good to see Derek and as much as a part of him wanted to go with the team, another side of him wanted no part of it. 

It had been so great having everyone there to welcome him on the outside. The support of the people he called family was more than he could ever ask for. He was only missing one thing.

Aaron. 

He knew his former lover wouldn't be there, not with Scratch still out there, with Jack in danger. But a part of him, a part that he still hid away, silently hoped he'd be there with a smile and tight embrace, just like when Spencer had crawled out of that cemetery. He had dared to ask Rossi about him, if he'd seen or talked to Aaron. The older profiler had smiled and said that Aaron was well, wherever he was.

Spencer had smiled and said he was glad. But if he was honest with himself, he'd always hoped Aaron would come rushing back, telling Spencer he'd been wrong to leave and he make everything alright.

Spencer wasn't sure if anything would be alright ever again.

He approached his building and suddenly froze, sure that something was off. He reached for his belt and remembered that he no longer had his sidearm. He'd been cleared but not reinstated yet so no badge, no gun. He looked around, searching his pockets for his phone when he heard it.

A tiny meow - so quiet he began to think that maybe he had imagined it. He stepped closer, looking around the corner when he froze.

His eyes were wide and for a minute he forgot how to breathe.

Leaning against his building was the one person he wanted to see with a small kitten cuddled in his arms.

He blinked.

Then blinked again. 

Hotch and the kitten were still there. 

By the time he remembered to breathe, Aaron had met his eyes. There was a small smile on his face but he didn't move, as if he didn't know if he was wanted or not. 

Spencer started forward then, refusing to stop until he was wrapped in the other man's arms.

A small, discontented meow finally broke them apart. Spencer looked down at the tiny diva still tucked in tight to the older man's body.

"I probably shouldn't be jealous of a kitten, right?"

Aaron reached up and ran his fingers through Spencer’s overgrown hair.

"I've been jealous of less."

"Me too."

They smiled at each other until another quiet meow sounded.

"A kitten?"

"She found me while I was waiting for you."

"How long have you been waiting?"

Aaron stared. "Too long."

Spencer smiled at him. "Come up?"

He made his way to his door, turning to the man he didn't think he'd see again. 

"Bring the cat."

He wasn't letting go again. 

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> Word counts are hard but Karl enjoyed this. I hope you do too.


End file.
